I am so glad this weekend is almost here! On another note it has been a very hard week with my health and Lupus. My day-to-day pain, on my best day, feels like a really rotten flu. I ache. I hurt. I want to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head ’till it passes. I have zero energy, I feel like I’m walking through mud up to my neck. I can’t remember anything, my brain is completely muddled. That’s a regular day. On my worst days, when I’m in a “flare up”,I have so much pain I can’t concentrate on anything beyond getting past the moment. My hips, my shoulders, my ribs, the connective tissue all over my body, my feet, my neck, they all hurt like a combination of grinding, aching, and being run over by a train. I can’t really describe it beyond the fact that I can’t function. It’s impossible to get out of bed, get showered, get dressed. It’s hard even to lie in bed and watch bad t.v., all I want to do is get it over with. It’s not possible to do a mental exercise of “mind over matter”, the matter wins. I am so grateful that my children are a little older and able to do more things for themselves. It is just so hard to describe, one day I am able to run around the neighborhood and the next I don't even have the strength to walk.
That’s the way it is, friends. I don’t need sympathy, but I wanted to share a little behind-the-scenes of my life. If I sometimes miss a day or two posting, e-mailing, or talking to you, it’s because I’m busy coping, trying to get my head above water so I can get to the other end of the tunnel.
